Sometimes it takes the smallest change in perspective to make all the difference in the world.

A couple of weeks ago I was watching part of an online coaching seminar, in which a speaker was helping a woman work through some of the issues holding her back from pursuing health goals.  There was a point where he asked what she really wanted, and her answer was that she wanted not to be so negative all the time, as her negative attitude about the possibility of change sabotaged her efforts.

What the trainer said next grabbed me by both ears.  He noted that the thing the woman doesn’t want was embedded in her own language, and therefore was embedded in her thoughts whenever she said it.  It’s like saying “don’t think of the letter B, don’t think of the letter B, don’t think of the letter B.”  What else are you thinking about but the letter B?  You can’t avoid thinking about it, as long as you tell yourself “don’t think of the letter B.”  The only way not to think about a thing is to actively choose something else to think about.  To move away from something you don’t want, think about and then go chase something you do want.

Over the past couple of months, with the help of the examen and other observations, I’ve been focusing in on two things that are the most painful and damaging in my life right now:  fear and aloneness.  Really it may as well be one thing, because for me being alone too much is also rooted in fear.  So many times, I have thought to myself “I don’t want to be so afraid any more.  I want to stop listening to fear.”

How well do you suppose it worked?

I don’t want “to not be afraid” anymore.  What I want is to be brave.  Now that’s something I can chase.


3 comments so far

  1. Kim on

    Your self-examination and your sharing it with your readers is one of the bravest, most courageous things I’ve seen someone do in a long time. The Kris I know is brave, she just needs to recognize it in herself. And THAT is something we can support you in achieving.

    • stitchesandwords on

      You are kind, Kim. Thank you.

  2. […] week I wrote some things about noticing how often I am negative, and also about how our methods of speech and thought can trip up even our best efforts toward making changes. I’m still thinking about the […]

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