Selfish wish

Coming up very soon is my nephew’s next birthday.  Smiley Boy is growing up.

Tomorrow is his birthday party, and some of my wider-flung family is coming in to celebrate.  So I’ll get to see my niece this weekend too.  It will be fun, but I’ll be tired on Monday.  Being a great aunt is hard work.  Those kids just don’t stop.

Today is for me, though, at home on my own.  A welcome rest, it’s been a busy week.  But I woke up today brooding.

I am glad my brothers have both found affectionate families; I’m glad they are making affectionate families for their kids.  I’m glad I’ll get hugs from both Smiley Boy and Pigtail Girl this weekend.  I just wish it didn’t remind me of my sense of lack.  Kid hugs are selfish hugs; they hug you because it feels good to them.  I like giving the kids hugs, but I’m selfish too.  I wish I had some hugs that were more about me.

I’m glad to see affection being shown to the next generation of my family, the kind of affection I barely remember getting at all.  It just makes me wonder, with more than a little wistfulness, if I will ever get my chance at the same.


1 comment so far

  1. Joanne on

    Are you sure the hugs are completely selfish? While I am sure part of the reason for the hugs is that the children enjoy them, perhaps part of the reason is that they know you enjoy them also. Children can be good at picking up on adults emotions at a young age.

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