Resume

So it feels like time to pick up real life again. At least some of it.

For the last few days I alternately prowled my house, feeling snarly and swearing at things occasionally, or slouched around my ordinary internet crossroads, also being snarly and sort-of trying not to flame anyone who didn’t deserve it (with only moderate success), or lying in my couch or on my bed for hours, playing mindless iPad games or just looking into nowhere.

I feel like I had been accruing stress, fear, and anxiety for a long while, and when it finally broke through to the surface, it all had to get felt in order to drain away. I haven’t really been experiencing it as it came along, so it didn’t go away, just piled up under the surface. I feel like all of that howling, angry energy is gone now, and I can look around and take stock of where I am.

There’s more to say and more work to do. The sources of anxiety and squirrelly, bad energy haven’t been done away with. But I’m ready to look at them again, look with different eyes, not clouded by the haze of fear and resentment. It’s time to un-pause. Time to resume.

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