I quit

I feel anxious and crappy today.  I think I have been for a while, underneath the daily effort of trying to keep moving.  It’s been wearing on me hard, and I can’t ignore it anymore.

This morning a friend reminded me there’s been ample reason lately for anxiety and ruffled energy; widespread disaster across my home area, coinciding with a major anniversary of a big, wrong event.  Add that to my own struggles about what the hell to do with my life, and it’s just plain too much.

I’m sick of caring about things.  I’m tired of life being so much hard work.  I want to throw away my dirty dishes so I just don’t have to deal with them.  I want to stuff my laundry and my vacuum cleaner and all my notebooks in the back of a closet and never open it again.  I want a butler.  I want a sugar-daddy.  Right now I just want something to be easy, and nothing is.

Right now, I quit.  I quit caring about the big-life-stuff that makes me worry.  I’m going to spend some time being whiny and selfish and indulgent toward myself.  I don’t get permission to hurt other people with those things, but on my own anything goes.  I’m going to think what I think and feel what I feel, and not care about anyone else’s opinions on those subjects.

I reserve the right to un-quit anything I want, at any time I choose.  If I never want to un-quit, then I’ll just move on.  I’ll find new things to care about, or not care about.

As for right now, I’m off the clock.  Where’s my cabana boy?  I need some iced tea and a foot-rub.


1 comment so far

  1. Jekka on

    You have been doing a great deal of work and hard hard thinking. You deserve a pass — fondle some fiber and say fiddle-dee-dee to the hard stuff for a while.

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