A hard day

Today was really hard.  I needed to deal with something that was difficult for many reasons, and I did it, but I’m sapped.

It’s hard right now to have hope for the future, but worry is faithless.  I try to keep reminding myself that God is still in charge and everything is handled, whether or not I’m in charge of the handling, but my thoughts keep slipping away to look at difficulties and scary what-ifs.  I drag my mind away from that dark place, and it sneaks back again.  And on it goes.

More than anything tonight I wish for a hug, wish to be held and loved and comforted and reassured.  I can’t have that, so I’m doing what I can for myself — eating a late supper (forgotten earlier), keeping my commitment to write every day (even though I don’t have much to say), and distracting myself with TV and movies.

Tomorrow will come, life will continue, and if today was hard, maybe someday I will be all the stronger for it.  And the sooner I can fall asleep and forget everything for a while, the better.


1 comment so far

  1. beth on

    I’m hugging you from far away. And I love you

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