Enough, already

“Life sucks and then you die” has been the emotional theme for today. It just is. It’s been a hard week.

I think too damn much. I crush myself under questions that are too hard for me to answer and too heavy for me to carry. I don’t know how to live lightly, to take life easy. I just don’t know.

I have more time to spend at work and then taiji class, and I’ll do those things. But I wish to God I could just lay down and cry. That I could just stop. That I could turn off for a while. That I could give up.

I can’t.


3 comments so far

  1. Lynn on

    Hugs, dearie. I wish I were there to talk with you more about this.

  2. Torrilin on

    Sometimes, you’ve just gotta find the small thing that makes you happy. Maybe it is petting your hair coz it’s soft and silky. Maybe it is singing a favorite song. Maybe it is sharpening your claws into perfection. Maybe it’s spinning the finest yarn you can imagine. Don’t care how trivial it may feel… gotta embrace the tiny joy you found and hug it.

  3. Liz on

    What Torrilin said. And, no, you can’t stop thinking, I’ve tried that and it’s not pretty. HOWEVER. You can pause and try to think later. Live in the moment, for a moment.

    Pick up your cup of tea and have a sip, thinking only about sipping that tea. Put the cup down, thinking only about the action of placing your cup. It’s hard work to do it, but it will gain you a little breathing room.

    And go for a walk, outside always helps. When you’re walking, work at thinking only about the things you see and the sensations of walking. “The leaf is a pretty orange” “Do I put my heel down first over a curb or my toe?”

    It’s damn hard to fight with your own brain some weeks, but you’re strong and intelligent and you KNOW that what’s happening right now isn’t how it’s supposed to be. At least in my experience, knowing that is half the battle.

    Wish I was closer though. :)

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