Two things

I feel muddled. I hate feeling muddled.

Worse, I don’t have any dreams … worse yet, I don’t know how to dream. Not about my life. I’ve never had any “what I want to be when I grow up” plans, and now that I’m grown up, I don’t know how to make any. I’m pacing through the ordinary, the life that grew up around me without a lot of active guidance on my part, and I’m not pointed at anything, no goal, no dream. And it makes me sad. I don’t know how to change, because there’s nothing beckoning me forward.


1 comment so far

  1. sarah on

    I wish I knew how to help. I am where I am because I ate what was put in front of me, just as I was taught to do as a child. As a child I said “I want to be an astronaut… a marine biologist”; as a teen I thought “I want to drive the Alaska Highway, by myself, I want to explore.” But I didn’t have the spark to make plans and map my own future: I did what I was told to do by my parents, my teachers, the jobs that found me when I needed them, and ended up here instead. It’s not a bad place. I do slightly envy those who’ve planned their lives to achieve their goals, but I also how many interesting alternatives they ignored. And what happens when one achieves the goal? Do you stop? Set another and strive again? I’m not single-minded enough; I tend to enjoy what I have, rather than constantly fight to gain more.

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